Royters News Service: First In Falsity

Posts Tagged ‘Dana Perino Is Hot’

Where is Dana Perino?

Posted by royters on August 7, 2011

Apparently, the only thing that ROYTERS is good for is a search tool for “dana perino,” “dana perino hot,” “sarah palin lesbian” and other random searches that have nothing to do with the satire that this site is all about. At some point, though, you have to realize what you are and what other people have made you. Along those lines, enjoy a collection of images of top search engine terms that will make the sick, twisted people who come and read this site happy. We start with Dana Perino.

Now, some of you might say that is not Dana Perino. And you would be right. That’s Kristen Bell. But if someone were to play Dana Perino in a movie, wouldn’t it be Kristen Bell? She’s so fracking hot. Here’s the rest of what you all really want to see:


And let’s not forget Bia and Branca Feres!

You’re welcome, jerks.

Posted in Faith and Values, Press and Media, Religion | Tagged: , , , , , | 3 Comments »

Mortgage Giants Upset By Feds

Posted by royters on September 7, 2008

Mortgage giants Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae, considered by most financial experts to be completely unbeatable, lost the Mortgage Bowl to the upstart Federal Government.  This, of course, was a disappointing finish to what had been a previously undefeated season.  Management wasted no time in making changes, firing two top executives.  Team spokespersons issued statements that Freddie and Fannie would be back in the Mortgage Bowl next season and would bring home the Usury Trophy.

While Freddie and Fannie were certainly disappointed, the Federal Government team was ecstatic in the locker room.  Few persons foresaw the magical run that the Feds made to the championship.  The road was difficult; the Feds had to overcome serious trouble in the Budget Deficit and Trade Deficit rounds of the playoffs just to get to the Bowl.  Most commentators consider this outcome to be a fluke, but the Feds are adamant that they will be back to defend their title next season.  Dana Perino (hot!) predicted that the Feds would go undefeated next year.  Sarah Palin (also hot!) agreed wholeheartedly and took her top off.

Posted in National | Tagged: , , , , , , | 8 Comments »

Politics Is Boring

Posted by royters on August 27, 2008

I’ve gone on record and said it.  Politics is boring.  Barack Obama is boring.  Hillary and Bill Clinton are boring.  Nothing about the boring convention has gotten me excited.  Not even Joe Biden.  He’s just some old white guy from Delawa . . .  Sorry, I fell asleep typing that last sentence it was so boring.

We need to make some changes.  This boring convention is not doing it.  What do we need?  We need a sexier Democratic Party.  John Edwards, Mr. Lies-and-Cheats, would be a good idea, but it’s too late for him.  Obama already won the nomination and is boring the crap out of us.  How can we make the campaign sexier?  Simple, just pay attention.

Catherine Zeta-Jones will replace Obama at the top of the ticket.  She is a lot like Obama.  She has no political experience and lived overseas, which makes up for all of that.  She is also a good actress, but not as good as Obama is at acting.  Obama makes you think that great change is possible and that he cares about you and people believe him.  I’m not sure that Zeta-Jones could pull that off, but she’s still a good actress.  Regardless, she’s super hot.  Just look.

Replacing Joe Biden . . . sorry, fell asleep with boredom again.  As I tried to say, replacing Joe Biden will be Julianne Moore.  She has a lot of similarities to Joe Biden.  She’s Irish, she plays a lot of characters who have fiery tempers, and she has a great deal of experience.  She dealt with a threat to the planet from aliens, battled a cannibalistic villain, and participated in a guerrilla movement against a corrupt order.  Unfortunately, she once let her child kill himself and then blamed a black guy for it.  Fortunately, the blacks are voting Democratic anyway, so it’s not a deal-breaker.  Most important, she likes to take her clothes off.  Take a look.

Finally, the Feres Twins will be the incoming Democratic Press Secretary.  Their hotness will make the perfect follow-up to the super-hot Dana Perino, just look below.

Election ’08 goes to the Democrats.  You’re welcome.

Posted in Entertainment, Opinion, Politics | Tagged: , , , , , , , , | 9 Comments »


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