Hello, It’s Me, An Idiot

My name is Royters, and I’m an idiot.

So, this new guy showed up at my blog and apparently decided to defend Michelle Malkin after she accused people of being lazy and not going out and getting jobs in an economic climate that is more or less a disaster.

Well, I went over to his blog to check it out and saw some crap about how Michelle Malkin is a super genius God or something as she knows all facts.  Well, aside from that not being true, it’s, well, not true.

Or is it?

At first, I thought that Michelle Malkin was about as dumb as can be for defending state sponsored racism in World War II; she defended internment.  Hey, aren’t conservatives supposed to believe in due process and fairness and not interning people without taking them before a court of law?  You know, the Constitution?  Turns out the answer is no, they don’t.  Also, after reading the book, which apparently was not peer reviewed, I learned that internment camps were justified.  Also, they were full of sunshine, rainbows, and gumdrop rain.  There were lakes full of Coca-Cola that people could drink or swim in!  People were given candy cane sleighs to snow down hills in the winter and ate graham cracker houses morning, noon, and night; each house came with dipping cream, too!   Not only that, but people got to go to bed at night surrounded by puppies and kittens who curled about you to keep you warm, warm, snuggles, uggles, oogles, warm!  (psst, I didn’t actually read the book, but then again, Ms. Malkin probably didn’t, either)

Ms. Malkin brought the truth to light!  And I had been uninformed this whole time!  Not only that, but I had been lied to in law school.  I thought the internment program was a blatant violation of constitutionally protected rights to due process, a hearing, freedom from racial discrimination, etc.  How silly could I be?  Those rights only apply to white Anglo-Saxons and priviliged wealthy minorities like Michelle Malkin!  I didn’t know about that part of the Constitution, but Michelle and her blogger friend confirmed that it existed (but only in a copy of the Constitution they refused to show me for national security reasons — fair is fair).

This truthiness of Ms. Malkin makes it completely unnecessary to focus on the fact that she makes shit up about unemployment benefits and accusing the unemployed victims of capitalistic excess of being lazy and not wanting to work.

Once again, I’m Rotyers, and I’m an idiot.

Tranformers II: Rise of the Fallen

a movie review by Dr. Robert J. Murk

So, I went to the movies last Saturday. I paid nine bucks to go watch a sequel to a movie based on a cartoon from the 1980s. Why? It had plenty of ‘done blowed up good’ in it. Plus, the movie theater is air conditioned.

Usually. This movie was so gay they sent it to the four theater annex across the hallway from the real cinema. Nothing is quite as unnerving as being told your movie is ‘across the hall.’ What the fuck does that mean? I’ll tell you.

Across the hall is where movies go to die. The concession stand is always closed. No one check your tickets. The air conditioner is NOT on. The previews are for movies that are already playing at the main complex (a subtle hint that you may want to reconsider what you’ve decided to see). There are more flies than people. And the real sign something was amiss… there was no trash on the floor at all.

So, there I sat in ghost twon with Mrs. Dr. Murk, a huge Transformers fan. And this movie had Transformers in it. Lots of them. The problem was telling them apart. Sure, the Autobots are all different colors and sizes and that makes it great for telling them apart. But the Decepticons were all silver monstrosities with the same face. I though megatron died like sixteen times.

So, not to ruin the plot (um, okay there wasn’t a real plot but a Transformers plot) but the main villain shows up with no real back story, no basis in the Transformers universe and talks like the Emperor from Star Wars (even calling Megatron his ‘young apprentice’). He’s so far beyond the worst villain ever that I laugh at the idea. HA!

The girl in the movie is noted for being very hot. Okay. But they kept showing slow motion and close ups of her that looked like out takes from a Warrant video. By the end of the movie, I wanted the Decepticons to kill her.

Besides the explosions and some minor special effects and CG improvements, this movie wasn’t shit. You can skip it, fall asleep on the couch, dream you went to go see the movie and not miss anything.

Should I have expected less? No. This review is already adjusted for my low expectations for this movie. All I wanted was wall to wall explosions and cars that turned into robots and fought each other. Instead, there was an additional half hour of trash interspersed. Fatal, failed attempts at humor, stereotypical mock negro breakdancing robots with ghetto jive talk, a love story that was written by a horny sixth grader, political commentary and an obligatory mention of President Obama, the Iraq war, alins built the pyramids conspiracy… my GOD…

Not recommended, eight thumbs down. I went out and borrowed extra thumbs. It sucked. IT SUCKED!!! FUCK IT! HARD!!!

Less than meets the eye.

Michelle Malkin, Smelly Stupid Cunt

Michelle Malkin is a conservative.  This doesn’t mean that she’s an idiot, although she often is seen sporting this stylish hat.

No, conservatives are often intelligent folks despite their generally poor breeding and bad hygiene habits.  However, Ms. Malkin is a commentator in addition to being a conservative.  This means that she is more than an idiot, she is, in fact, lacking the ability to think in any way, shape, or form (much like Rush Limbaugh, Bill O’Reilly, Glenn Beck, and her liberal counterparts, Keith Olbermann, Arianna Huffington, and Bleedin’ Heart McGee).

Like most commentators, Ms. Malkin does not care about facts.  Learning the truth of matters is not big on her to-do list, either.  Rather, Ms. Malkin, in between crapping out lies and eating them for breakfast while showering in her own urine and using her feces to shampoo and condition her hair, simply makes up anything that she feels like at any time to support her laughable position.   Then she kills kittens.

As I was saying, Ms. Malkin is a genius.  Here is a shot of her being a genius at her home.

She said on ABC’s This Week that extending unemployment benefits is bad.  This, according to Ms. Feces Shampoo and Urine Shower (who, by the way, also has never cleaned her snatch, leaving it to fester like rotten meat (it actually is full of purulent material!)), will cause people to stay on the dole until their benefits are about to run out before finding work again.

Yes, Ms. Malkin, you are correct.  People will magically find jobs just before their benefits run out in a time in which unemployment is at 9.5 percent, large corporations have been bailed out repeatedly by the federal government, and even gas mega-giant Chevron has seen its profits fail to meet expectations and drop substantially from the prior year.

Kudos, Ms. Rotten Crotch, you are so well informed that I am jealous, and I am the smartest person in the world (next to you, of course).  I wish I could have the mental ability necessary to ignore the painfully obvious truth.  But, unlike most people who reek of urine and feces (did I tell you that she eats garbage and wears clothes stolen from homeless people?),

I take the time to learn the truth about matters before I speak.  That, or I simply say, I’m not informed enough about the issue to speak.

But, since you are an Asian female (she may be an Ann Coulter type, sporting the gun and the holster, I haven’t seen her without her clothes on),

you can benefit from the racial stereotype that you are intelligent because you are of Asian ancestry (is your family from the Filipino island named “Stupid Fuck Face?”).  Let’s hope the cold, brutal truth doesn’t.