The Real Reason Sarah Palin Resigned

Yesterday, Sarah Palin (R-AK) surprised the world and announced that she would be resigning her position later this month, she was, unfortunately, fully clothed for the announcement — .   Political commentators were stunned by the announcement, with many noting that her lack of experience and familiarity with key issues are not going to improve if she’s no longer governor.  While many were trying to predict the political fallout of Ms. Palin’s move, others wondered what her exact reason for stepping down was.

In a rambling, seemingly pointless press conference that had the feel of a rural school board leader stepping down from a long time position, Ms. Palin gave several reasons for her decision, none of which made sense (does she actually think that the Governor of Alaska is a fucking point guard or something?  WTF?).  ROYTERS, however, has made up learned the real reason for her decision — Ms. Palin and her family will start a folk rock band performing live across the continental United States.

The band will be called “The Nailin Palins” and will feature puppet show performances by daughters Willow and Bristol (when they are not getting knocked up by David Letterman).  The Nailin Palins will play a mix of music, but will rely heavily on Toby Keith and Reba McEntire arrangements until they can write their own songs.  The band will start each set by burning effigies of the following persons:

Katie Couric;

Charles Gibson;

Tina Fey;

Barack Obama;

Levi Johnston;

The Dixie Chicks;

Meghan McCain; and

The liberal media elite.

Oh, and for those of you playing the drinking game at home, MAVERICK! (props to Tina Fey/SNL)