Bail My Ass Out

ROYTER’S NEWS – Capital Hill

With Dubya poised to bail out poorly run companies to save the US economy (sounds like Dubya’s previosu business life), Malach busted out his massive brain and has a better solution.  Bail my ass out.  You want to prevent a long term recession (what Hell has been going on the past 4 – 5 years anyway?)?  What is our piss poor economy effecting the Upper half now? So now we need to do something about it?

Malach has a better plan, BEHOLD THE POWER OF MALACH . . . what would it take to bail out Malach?  About $265K. That is much less that $700billion Dubya plans on spending. So that got Malach thinking. Instead of bailing out these companies why not bail out every American? There is an estimate 304Million Americans. 25% of those Americans are under 18 that leaves 228million Americans. Give each of them $250K, that comes out to $57trillion. What would happen then? Let see, the wife and I would both get $250K, we would pay off our debt, invest a large part of it, and maybe by some investment property, and of course go on a shopping spree: right back into the system. Most Americans would pay off their mortgages or BUY HOMES (wow, that would solve another problem), pay off their debt and then go on a spending spree. How much money would be put right back into the economy? If I had no debt (I don’t use credit cards, my debt basically consist of a car loan, a mortgage, and a school loan), I would be pumping money into the economy like Gary Glitter pumps his man juice . . . well you know where I am going here.

So where we gonna get this all this money? Well the government deals with pretend money they don’t have anyway.  Hell, if the bail out is costing $700billion, and the Iraq War has cost us $600billion, you see where I am going here? Again that money would be tossed right back into the economy . . . Hey if were are going to practice socialist capitalism, lets go all the way.  How about Universal Health Care?

Oh and John McCain. Suspending your Presidential Campaign? You do realize the President has to multi-task right?

So Malach is here outside the Capital Building trying to get in there to testify about his plan, but I keep getting stopped by guys in suits.  Every so often a Congreeman goes buy and I get little words for conversation like “Thunderdome” and “Master Blaster”.  I’m scared, and now I have to wait until Spring to be destroyed by the Large Haldron Collider . .

I am Malach, and I WANT MY $250THOUSAND