Obama Blames Patriotism Questions On His Hate Of America

This post may seem a little over the top at first, but the point is how ridiculous these questions of patriotism are and how it is a distraction from the real issues facing this country. It is also a commentary on the fear campaign that anti-Obama people are using to scare the country.

Sen. Barack Obama (D-IL) addressed a crowd of supporters in Independence, MO today. It took a while for the supporters and for Obama to locate Independence on a map, but once they did, Obama delivered a speech defending his patriotism. In the highly personal speech, the Senator blamed himself for the criticisms. “This is really all my fault,” Obama said after calling for “change” 800 times, “Had I not pledged to blow up America the day after 9/11 in a mosque, no one would be questioning who I am and what I believe in. I have only myself to blame for this. For that, I am sorry. I promise you that I will not pledge to blow up this country again, and that is Change We Can Believe In!”

Obama supporters were pleased with the speech, but noted that he still has a long way to go if he wants to overcome lingering concerns about his dedication to the United States of America. “It’s good that he admitted to his past hatred of the United States,” commented New Mexico Gov. Bill Richardson while giving Obama a handjob in an attempt to get the VP slot, “Obama realizes now that it’s not a good idea to use the American flag to wipe your ass while taking a dump on the Constitution in public. He also realizes, now, that it probably isn’t wise to decapitate George Washington statutes. But he’s admitted it and it’s time to move on. We’ve all been young and done stupid things once. Remember my campaign for President? Talk about laying an egg. Shit, Barack! You’re supposed to warn me before you let loose! Does anyone have some GermX?”

Republican politicians have refused to let the issue die, however. “Republicans are the ones who love America,” said Mitt Romney while attending a church that subjugates women, believes in plural marriage, and dictates almost every aspect of its members lives in an attempt to prevent people from exercising free will, “We love America so much that we send American children, other than our own, off to fight in die in wars that don’t keep America safe. That’s how you prove your patriotism, not through expanding health care benefits, making America energy independent, or by holding lobbyists accountable so that American citizens can be heard by their government. And I should know, I didn’t serve in the Armed Forces and don’t have children in Iraq, but I’m more than willing to support a war where other people’s children die every day. We true patriots will not let this issue go, mark my word. The country will learn of Obama’s hatred for America and they will elect me, uh, John McCain, as their Supreme Leader! Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to get married for the eighth time.”

Polls show that Obama’s speech had little to no impact on concerns about his patriotism. When asked, 15% of people said that Obama would be a good President, 10% said that he was unpatriotic, and 75% asked when the next season of American Idol would be on.