Weekend News Brief

ELECTION 2008 –

Sen. Gordon Smith (R-OR) is running political ads touting his work with Democratic Sen. Barack Obama to improve gas mileage in an attempt to trick voters into thinking that he’s not a Republican. He is also running ads stating that he, in fact, is a Democrat, has been a Democrat, will always be a Democrat, and that the Democrats are running a smear campaign to make voters think that he is a Republican.

Smith, seeing a boost from the ad, has announced further plans to distance himself from the Republican Party. At his next four campaign rallies, he will burn President Bush in effigy and urinate on the charred remnants of the President’s face while singing The Flight of the Valkyries.

INTERNATIONAL –

The South African nation of Zimbabwe conducted a peaceful, calm, and orderly runoff election Friday. International observers were impressed with the way that Mugabe cracked down on gangs of thugs in order to guarantee that all Zimbabweans could vote their conscience. The United Nations has pledged additional financial support to the struggling African country as a result.